When you start to get comfortable with that feels good with your own and how to articulate that to a partner, it might be time to bring some toys into the mix! Whether you want to explore online, or even go to some local sex toy stores in person, there are tons of options to experiment with that can take playing with your partner to a whole new level. Here are some of our best tips for bringing toys into the bedroom.
find your go-to, then share it
Got a routine down? Learned a spot that always makes you feel tingly? Use that knowledge to share the wealth with your partner(s). Most people want you to have just as good a time as they are during sex, if not better. But people don’t know what they don’t know—so share your expertise on your own body. Chances are, sharing how things go when you engage in self-play will lead to better partnered sex.
If your partner is on board, bring your toy into bed. It may be a fun one-time thing, or it may be the toy will become a regular part of your sex life. Or maybe using a dildo turns into an opportunity to deepen your connection through greater pleasure and communication. Bet you didn’t know sex toys were that powerful ;)
introducing the toy to your partner
Before you whip out your brand new bottle of Toy Wonder, you’ve gotta get everyone on the same page. It’s key to make sure all partners are on board with bringing toys into the equation. While some people find toys sexy, others may be nervous, weirded out, or just plain shy. Have a serious conversation (or several!) about bringing toys into your sexual relationship. Be honest, open, and willing to be heard and seen by your partner.
Our favorite lines to get the conversation started:
- “Are you ok with trying something new in our sex life? A dildo could be an option. How do you feel about that?
- “I’ve been hearing a lot about vibrators and I’m curious to try one together. Is that something you might be open to exploring?”
bringing toys in doesn't mean someone is unsatisfied
People have different desires and fantasies, and sometimes, using a toy is simply part of an unseen side of their sexual nature. Chances are, they are hoping to use a toy to deepen their sexual relationship with you—to appreciate you even more, in a way. But if you have any doubts or fears, talk them out with your partner before you have sex.
Lubricant is a great option to maximize pleasure and minimize irritation. The best personal lubricant for sex toys is water-based, since silicone-based lubes can break down both silicone toys and latex condoms. Lube is an especially great idea for anal and vaginal penetration, as it helps avoid tearing and makes sex more comfortable. Lube can also increase sensitivity when using a vibrator—the added slickness feels great.
practice fluid safety
Using a toy on yourself or a partner is a great way to be sensual together without the added risk of oral or penetrative sex. If you and your partner are not fluid-bonded, be sure to cover penetrative toys with a fresh condom for each new person who uses it. You should wash non-penetrative toys, like Magic Wands, for each new user as well.
keep it clean
While there are special sex toy cleaners on the market, keeping your toy clean requires nothing more than antibacterial soap and water. If your toy is motorized, simply wash it after play, using minimal water so as not to disturb the motor.
If your toy isn’t motorized, and is made of 100% silicone, stainless steel, or glass, you can deep clean by boiling the toy periodically. Sexperts also recommend letting these toys take a spin through the dishwasher—minus the silverware, of course.