Mutual masturbation is an enjoyable activity that you can do with someone (and infamously is in RENT’s La Vie Boheme). But, what is it? Is it just laying next to each other masturbating? Well, it can be. There are many fun, sexy, and connective mutual masturbation positions. Also, if you’re feeling awkward about bringing this up to your partner, you’re not alone. We’re taught that masturbation is a shameful thing (it is NOT), so bringing up the idea of doing it next to or with your partner can bring on a lot of shame on its own. Try to release the shame or guilt. Remind yourself that masturbation is NOT shameful and that mutual masturbation is a fun, beautiful, and connective activity that has no risk of STI transmission or pregnancy!

All of these positions are wonderful for any and all genders. However, some cater more to some configurations. If you don’t see your bits talked about, please know these will be fun, pleasurable, and sexy no matter what your body looks like. Additionally, however you masturbate is terrific — so if you’d rather use a toy or pleasure aid versus your hands — by all means, go for it. Part of this is about inviting your partner into what happens when you’re typically by yourself. It’s incredibly sexy to show your partner how you touch your own body.

The Straddle (like on a sex machine)

Whether you’re actually on a sex machine (like the Motorbunny, Cowgirl, or Sybian) or just pretending there is one under you, this is a sexy position. If you’re a penis owner, you won’t be on a machine, but vulva owners, you can be! Regardless of your gender, think of this position as riding on a saddle — straddling something between your legs. You can use a machine for vibration and stimulation, or you can use your hands and watch each other go to town.

The "T"

Call it a T or ⅔ of an H, one partner lays down on their side on the bed, while the other stands at the person laying down’s head. The person lying down should have a very close look at the person standing’s bits, and the person standing up can see their partner’s entire body as they touch themselves. This is a fun and sexy position that will help vary your masturbation position if you’re someone who’s typically on your back or tummy.

Foot to Head // Head to Foot

Imagine the 69 position, remove the oral parts and straighten out your body — now you’re in the foot to head / head to foot position! This position allows for A LOT of staring, CLOSELY, at each other’s bits while you touch yourselves. It’s ideal to do on a bed but can be done on a floor (just put down something cozy and comfy — not many folks want to masturbate and watch their partner masturbate while they lay on cold tile or hardwood.)

Side by Side, Facing Each Other

Is there anything more vulnerable than staring your partner in the eyes while you touch yourself? I’m not sure there is. I mean, probably. Alas, this is a super connective position to touch yourself and a great one if you’re not super turned on by the idea of staring at your partner’s bits while you masturbate. Meaning, that if you’d rather look at their facial expressions and stare into each other’s eyes — this is the position for you.

Foot to Foot, Facing Each Other

Imagine you’re sitting on your couch at one end, and your partner is on the other end. You both lift one or both legs up onto the couch and face each other so you can look at your partner in the eyes or stare at their sexy bits. Similar to side by side facing each other, this may feel super vulnerable, so I recommend not doing this as your first go. However, if you feel comfy with this, by all means, go for it.

Daddy's Lap // The Love Seat

Depending on the people involved in this position, you can call it whatever feels best. One person sits up against a wall (or headboard, if you’re on a bed) and spreads their legs wide enough for the other person to sit between them. Whoever is in front leans back onto the other person’s chest and then GO! You can whisper sweet nothings or something super dirty into each other’s ears, and if you want to touch each other at all during your mutual masturbation session, this is a great position to do it from.

Holding Hands

Imagine this. You’re laying on your back, and one hand is holding your partner’s hand while the other is touching your genital area. You’re both masturbating with one hand and holding each other’s hand with the other. Hot? Yes. This simple and connective position is also a great one to try if it’s your first time mutually masturbating. It doesn’t feel as vulnerable when your partner’s face is next to yours versus all up in your bits.

Peep Show

This position is often shown between a man and a woman, but similar to all of these — you can adapt them to fit what works for YOU and your partner. One person (often the woman) will lay on a bed that’s raised up a bit, spreading her legs and playing with her vulva, while the other person (often the man) will be on their knees with their face at the level of their partner’s genitals watching closely as they touch their own body. What you’re seeing… is quite the peep show.

No matter what position you choose to explore this fun, exciting, and connective activity, be sure to use some lubricant. If you’re a penis owner, I recommend Hello Cake’s So Low Lotion (don’t use this on a vulva!), and if you’re a vulva owner, I recommend Hello Cake’s Natural Sex Lube (it’s water-based and can be used with all types of toys, too). Often we only think to use lube when we’re expecting penetration — and no matter how you’re masturbating (whether there is penetration or not), lubricant will make it better, I promise.