If you don’t know what you like, how can you tell your partner?
That’s the big question that drives this challenge. So onwards and upwards to our one-of-a-kind sexytime resource, a checklist to help you figure out what feels good, what turns you on, and what you like in terms of sex and pleasure.
We created the workbook as an easy way to help you find out what arouses you. It has a huge range of sexual activities in it, ranging from the pretty vanilla (kissing!) to the more advanced (having a threesome!). Instead of having to come up with things on your own, you can look at the list and decide whether it’s a yes or a no. Maybes are allowed too, of course!
First, review the checklist by yourself to determine which sex acts you’d like to try. Place each act into a ‘yes’ ‘no’ and ‘maybe’ category. Share with your partner once complete. Be sure to talk about the ‘why’ behind each one!
Tips for checking off the list (and communicating about it):
- Give yourself time: This is not a quickie kind of activity. Set aside time to go through the checklist and thoroughly consider each sexy thing on it. It’s ok to do it at the same time as your partner (think opposite sides of the couch!). But remember that taking time goes for the conversation about the checklist with your partner, too. You will need time to discuss everything thoroughly and sensitively, comparing your checklists and sharing the possibilities for your sexual future together.
- Consider your why: If something is a no, is it a no because it doesn’t turn you on? Because you’ve tried it and didn’t like it? Because it makes you feel ashamed? The why is so important in understanding the feeling (and communicating it later). That goes for yeses, too. The “Yes, I want to try this because I saw it in a porn one time!” is a different yes than “Yes, I want to try this because I’m interested in BDSM.” Deeply consider the yeses, the nos, and the reasons for them…and be willing to share openly with your partner!
- Enjoy the excitement of the conversation—but don’t act yet! This conversation should give you butterflies as you think about all the hot sex in your future…but it’s important to let the conversation simmer. You’ll act on these sexual acts later in Level 3.