The truth is, we’re not really taught about sex.
And not only that, we’re not taught how to communicate about sex…especially sex for pleasure. The idea of talking about sex, even with a trusted partner, can feel daunting. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll be doing it—both actually communicating and well, actually doing it. 😉
This challenge is all about verbalizing what makes you feel good while you’re masturbating. Both of you! You can both masturbate together or take turns watching one another. The point is to openly share the sensations you’re feeling with your partner, in a matter-of-fact way.
Start with something as simple as “The texture of the lube feels great on my penis,” or “I have goosebumps running down my back.” Share the sensations you’re experiencing clearly and directly.
You don’t have to get into what’s called “dirty talk,”at least not before you feel comfortable. It’s normal to feel embarrassed and shy vocalizing these feelings out loud to someone else, but that’s why it’s a part of the challenge. Better communication leads to better sex!
- Spend 10 - 25 minutes masturbating with a partner in the room and say out loud what you are doing to yourself and how it makes you feel good at least half of the time.
Feel awkward? Our tips for talking off while getting off:
- When shame pops up, don’t let it in. Hit it like a whack-a-mole and let it know that you’re in a pleasure place where shame is not welcome. Of course, it is normal to feel shame when talking about sex—but the point here is more fun sex! Eventually, shame will stop creeping in.
- Embrace the spectrum! You may start super basic and then go into some more intense dirty talk. Give yourself permission to fall anywhere from uber vanilla too advanced.
- If you *are* interested in dirty talk, templates can be a great place to start. Think of it as sort of like sexy MadLibs. “I like it when you ____.” “Your ____ turns me on”. You’re not writing an erotic novel here—it’s all about having fun and starting the conversation in the bedroom.
Try it out! Better sex and better communication will come your way!