You may have some baggage around masturbation: embarrassment, stigma, shame.
That’s ok—plenty of us do, so you’re not alone. But masturbating with your partner—both of you, in the same room, pleasuring yourselves—is actually one of the best ways to get rid of that baggage and break into a whole new way of sexually relating. Believe us when we say this is one of the top five sexual activities that will connect you as a couple.
It can feel super vulnerable to show yourself to your partner as you masturbate. You may be nervous about them seeing your face or hearing the sounds you make when you self-pleasure. But that same vulnerability and fear of being seen is what can make the experience such a beautiful gift to both of you. You will see. You will be seen. You will learn. You will connect.
The Challenge:
Spend 10-25 minutes laying side by side with your partner. You will be pleasuring yourself, rather than each other. Watch and take note of what causes your partner maximum pleasure. It’s ok to use just your hands, bring in toys…whatever floats your boat!
Our tips on side-by-side solitary sex:
- Start the conversation about mutual masturbation. If your partner is reluctant, bring up the challenge and explain it as a fun activity to help you both better understand each other regarding sex. Emphasize it as a fun thing to do—only if you both feel comfortable.
- Come up with a safe word. When either of you says the word, that means all sexual activity stops. If this is the first time you’re doing this and you feel weird or uncomfortable, the safe word acts as your “pause” button.
- Set a time limit! Maybe you both decide you want to try it for 12 minutes. When you have a pre-set time container, it can help your brain settle down and enjoy the experience.
- If one person comes a few minutes in and the other keeps going, how does person one stay involved? Might they touch your head, caress your skin, or just keep watching?
- Notice how beautiful, sexy, hot, handsome (insert your adjective here) your partner looks when they are pleasuring themselves.
