Welcome to challenge numero uno.
This is all about getting to know yourself with nothing but what you already have…no toys, no batteries, no videos, nothing but your body, your hands, and your imagination.
Only once you know what you like (and can articulate it to your partner!) can you expect them to be able to give you the pleasure you want and deserve.
Here’s the thing: when you’re unfamiliar with your own sexual preferences, you can’t really communicate them either before, during, or after sex. So, the point of solo sex is to get in touch with yourself…all in service of better partnered sex. We can feel shy when we don’t know or feel confident in our preferences—so practicing alone can up your confidence (not to mention the hotness factor).
And if you’ve never masturbated, never fear—you are not alone. There are plenty of people who have never gotten it on with themselves—and plenty of people who want to learn how to do it better! Pleasuring yourself has so many benefits for you—you’ll learn all about your likes and dislikes, turn-ons, and triggers. And when you know what you like, you can share that with your partner!
- Spend at least 15 minutes touching yourself and masturbating
- Write down 3 things that make you feel particularly good (and be descriptive when writing them down— say what it is that makes you feel good and why that is)
- Write down 1 - 2 things that you don’t enjoy (same goes here, be descriptive and write down what it is you don’t like and why)
Tips for getting the most out of this challenge:
- Make sure you’re in the best mindset possible. Shame, guilt, misinformation and more are all common when it relates to masturbation—but you have to let go of those if you really want to connect with yourself.
- No matter what kind of genitalia you have, you’ll explore your own body. Touch your vulva, your clitoris, your labia. If you have a penis, spend some time on the tip of your penis, your testicles or your perineum (the area between your testicles and anus). Appreciate what you’ve got going on. There’s no right way or wrong way—it’s about getting familiar with your body.
- Write it down – what it is you like and what you don’t like, so you can clearly communicate that to your partner. You might think you’ll remember, but we promise jotting it down on your phone or in a notebook will be helpful in level 2 and 3 of this challenge. Whether that’s being touched in a certain place, speed, tempo, or any other factor—once you know, you can use it with someone else.
When both of you have explored on your own, come back together (pun intended!) to have hotter and more connected sex.