step 3: try something new

How to Guide: killing stereotypes of anal play

Certified Sexologist, Gigi Engle, breaks down how to kill the stereotypes surrounding butt sex.

There is a very pernicious and (hella annoying) notion in this world that anal sex and anal play are only for gay men. Why is this so annoying? Because the butt is for everyone. It is a universal sex organ that can be enjoyed by one and all. Relegating it to the realm of “Gay Men Only” continues the never-ending merry-go-round of stereotypes. It is sex-negative and lame. It needs to stop. Also, the butt is amazing and so much pleasure can be found there.

You can have some butt play, no matter who you are. Even if you’re straight or gay or pan or bi or blue. It also doesn’t matter if you have a penis or a vulva, the butt is a place to explore. It doesn’t matter who you are, butt stuff is for you (if you want to try it). 

Now, let’s get into the educational (and fun!) bit. Here is why anal play is so amazing for everyone (and why you should consider trying it).

FIRST THINGS FIRST:
everyone with a penis owns a protstate, pals.

We need to wash away shame and stigma and enjoy the anal region because we deserve to have all the pleasure in the world. The prostate is the male G-spot, and if you are a person with a penis, you have one. This walnut-sized gland is located a few inches inside of the anus and when stimulated, it can increase your pleasure intensity by … A LOT. Studies have shown the vast potential of the prostate during sexual play. When stimulated, prostate orgasms can make climax up to 33 percent more intense. No one should be missing out on the p-spot just because they identify as “heterosexual.” That’s no fun at all.  

The biggest thing holding straight men back is STIGMA and the idea that somehow receiving anal pleasure is going to take away their ~straightness.~ Now, don’t be mad at me when I say this, but if putting something up your bum can “make you gay,” well, it wasn’t putting something up your bum that made you gay. Nothing can “make you gay.” OK?

DITCH THE SHAME:
sexy is knowing exactly what you want in bed

Being secure enough with your sexuality to be curious and willing to explore is HOT. Take some time to consider what you want and what you’re open to trying. The anus is full of nerve endings, pleasure centers, and plenty of joy to be had. If you want to go for it, great. If you give it some thought and decide it’s not for you, that’s fine, too. The important thing is that you’re being honest and curious about your authentic self.

GIVE IT A GO:
step by step on getting started

The best way to find out if you’re into a certain kind of stimulation is to try it on your own. There’s less pressure than with a partner because you can take your time without worrying about what the other person is thinking.

 Step 1

Start by lubing up your fingers and gently pressing the anal opening. You can try circling it, tapping it, or whatever else feels good.

Step 2

If you’d like to try insertion, start with well-lubed fingers or a small butt plug. Breathe deeply and relax your anus. A tightened butthole can make insertion painful, and no one wants that.

Take your self-play slowly, but don’t be afraid to experiment with larger toys as you progress. There is no one right way to explore the anus. It’s all about what feels pleasurable for you.  

THE NEXT LEVEL?:
partner play kicks it up a notch

If you want to give butt play a try, it’s very important that you sit down and have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Whether you want to be the giver or the receiver of anal stimulation, communication and enthusiasm are key.

Step 1  

Explain why you want to try it, how you see it going down, and be willing to listen to your partner’s feelings on the topic. Anal play is only enjoyable if everyone involved is enthusiastically on board with it. Do you know what could help? Showing them this article!  

Step 2

Since you’ve done “research” on your own, you can show your partner exactly what feels good for you. If you’re interested in having them heavily involved - such as in pegging you (anally penetrating someone with a dildo), do research on this together and see if it sparks interest. Pegging can be a fun and explorative way to change up gender norms, play with dominance and submission, and give your sex life some new fire.

Whoever you are and whomever you enjoy having sex with, anal play is open to you. Remember to use a high-quality, anal-approved lubricant. Take it slowly and breathe deeply. Enjoy yourself.


Don’t let fear and taboo notions hold you back. You deserve to have the most fulfilling, amazing sex life of your dreams.


Gigi Engle is a certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes.  

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