Writer bio: Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer-inclusive, health-informed, pleasure-inclusive, sex-positive journalist and educator whose work reflects the intersections of LGBTQ+ issues, sexual health, wellness, and pleasure. She is also the co-host of Bad in Bed a queer sex education podcast featuring the queer sex education you never got, but always deserved.
What is rimming exactly?
Rimming, also known as analingus, is oral-anal sex. It involves one pleasure-seeker using their mouth, tongue, lips, or teeth to stimulate another partner’s asshole, asschecks, or anal opening. This can involve licking, flicking, sucking, suctioning, kissing, tasting, tonguing, and any other pleasure-inducing verb.
Who's into rimjobs?
Anyone with a butt could be into receiving analingus, and anyone with a mouth could be into giving analingus. Indeed, that’s a whole lot of people!
A common misconception around rimming is that only gay and bisexual men enjoy rimming. But this is fake news!
Sure, gay men could enjoy the sex act because they have pieholes and buttholes. But sex acts don’t have sexual orientations, pleasure-seekers do. And sexual orientation has no bearing on what erogenous zones you enjoy stimulating or having stimulated.
Need proof? You’re looking at reading it! I’m a queer bisexual dyke (meaning, not a gay man) who happens to l-o-v-e a little oral-anal action. In my sexperience, rimming can make either a fabulous side dish to the main enchilada, or an orgasm-inducing main dish.
What does rimming feel like?
In one word: good.
In two words: really good.
Ass licking involves stimulating the nerve-dense entrance of the anus. No, I’m not paying lip service when I say ‘nerve-dense’. The entrance of the anus has the same number of nerve endings as the tip of a penis. (4,000 to be exact!).
In the event that the rim job involves penetrating the opening with a tongue, the nerves throughout the anal canal will also be stimulated. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Beyond just being physically stimulating, analingus can be psychologically thrilling.
Morgan, 32, a queer non-binary person says, that part of what makes receiving oral-anal so hot for them is how taboo the sex act is still is. “I’m a freak who is totally turned on by all things taboo, which includes rimming,” they say. “I love feeling like I’m letting my partner do something naughty, and like my partner wants to be doing said naughty things to me,”
Personally, the main reason I enjoy giving rimjobs is because it signifies that my partner trusts me. And as a water sign, that level of trust turns me on. Basically, for me it’s an emotionally fulfilling sex act.
Timothy, 29 a queer man says it’s not the physical sensation of rimming that he enjoys, but it’s utility. “Honestly, rimming itself feels just OK to me. It just feels kind of wet and warm…”. But, he says, “if I try to receive a dildo or penis in my ass without first getting my salad tossed, it feels less good.”
As a sex educator, the latter part of this admission doesn’t surprise me. Rimming is a great first step for penetrative anal sex because it can help coax the anal sphincter into relaxation. And when that muscle is relaxed, penetrative anal sex feels far better than when it’s tight. The more you know!
Is rimming safe?
Kudos to you for asking, you responsible rimmer, you! Like any other sex act, rimming has it’s risks.
Luckily, once you know those risks you talk with your partner-in-pleasure about how you want to reduce those risks. Ready to learn more?
Sexually transmitted infections can be transmitted through oral sex—and that includes anal-oral sex.
If the giver has an oral STI it can be transmitted to the anus. And if the receiver has a an anal STI, it can be transmitted to the mouth and throat.
(Yes, despite the fact that you didn’t learn about them in sex ed, oral STIs and anal STIs exist).
The best way to protect yourself is by knowing your current STI status. When you go to the testing center, ask specifically to me be tested for oral and anal STIs, too. Annoyingly, most testing spots don’t test for site-specific STIs unless otherwise asked.
If you and/or your partner do have an STI, using a dental dam can help reduce the risk of STI transmission. (Pro tip: Apply a dab of water-based lube on the receivers anal opening before laying the dam on top. This will increase the feel-good sensation and reduce uncomfortable friction).
Using a dental dam is also a good move if you don’t know your partner’s STI status. That said, in my opinion if you don’t feel comfy chatting about your sexual health with someone, you shouldn’t be rimming them. *Shrug*.
During oral-anal, there’s also some possibility of transmitting a parasital or bacterial infection like Giardia, and bacteria like E. coli and Shigella, according to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention.
Why? Well, your tongue is going where poop comes out. And fecal matter can contain these bacteria.
Fear not, the risk of this can be greatly reduced with some basic hiney hygiene protocols. A proper wiping or shower ahead of play is enough to greatly reduce the risk.
And of course, there’s always dental dams!
Exactly how to give a rimjob...
It can be helpful to have a guide when transitioning from no rim job territory to rim job territory with your boo(s).
To help, I put this step-to-step guide together, featuring tips that have actually worked for me. You’re welcome.
1. Introduce the idea to your partner.
No, you can’t just wordlessly flip your partner over and start tossing their salad! At least, not until your partner has verbalized that they want you to do that #consentissexy.
Instead, you need to talk about it.
Here are some ways you might bring it up:
- I read an article about analingus the other day, and it sounds like something that could be really pleasurable for us to try! Can I send you the link?
- Have you every explored anal play before, or have interest in exploring it in the future? I think it could be really hot for us to try together. I love pleasuring you with my mouth. Would you ever have interest in letting me lick lower on your body?
- I love your ass and would love to eat it out.
2. Talk about rimming in detail.
Now that rimming is on the table, you have to decide who is sitting where at the table. In other words, who’s getting their hole worshipped, and who’s doing the worshipping.
After all, nothing is more awkward than two partner’s assuming position on their bellies…
This is also a good time to talk about what safer sex protocols you’ll be implementing, if any.
I also like to get it all out there and talk about the possibility of poo! My go-to line is, “I know this is awkward, but obviously there is a slight possibility of poop! I just want to let you know that it’s no big deal to me, but I want you to be comfortable. So let me know if you’d prefer to try it in the shower or while using a dental dam for the first time.”
3. Buy your sexcessories.
If you’re planning to rawdog the rim job, you can skip this step! Otherwise, however, you need to stock up on dental dams and lube.
For dental dams I recommend Trustex Dental Dams and for analingus lube I recommend Cake's Organic Aloe.
4. Toss that damn salad!
You’ve talked about it and then talked about it some more. Now, it’s time to actually do it! *Throws confetti*.
My top-tip: Don’t start with the oral-anal sex! Instead, spend plenty of time getting each other in the mood via kissing, dancing, sensual massage, chest stimulation, vibrator play, and hand stuff.
Second, don’t be afraid to test out different techniques! Some people enjoy the feeling of a flat tongue making long lapping licks along the entrance of their hole. Other’s enjoy the sensation of a tongue darting in and out of the hole. And some enjoy the feeling of suction or sucking on the hole itself.
To learn what your partner enjoys, you’ll have to experiment and communicate with them as you do. Personally, I like to ask my partners “Do you prefer this or this”, experimenting with different techniques as I do, to get a sense of what turns them on.
5. Ramp up the words of affirmation.
If you’re the giver, be generous with compliments.
Your partner is giving you the gift of eating their lovely ass. So, do your partner a favor and let them know just how much you appreciate that!
Start by complimenting the shape, size, strength, and feel of your partner’s body. For example:
- I love the slope of your ass.
- God, your backside is stunning.
- I am so lucky to get to worship this belly and butt.
- You look so tasty laying there… and lucky for you, I’m one hungry fucker.
Then, once you begin snacking on the snack, you might say things like:
- I love the way you taste.
- Watching your ass pucker turns me on so damn much.
- I am so wet right now.
- You look so beautiful when you’re getting your ass eaten.
For the record: This is a good tip for all kinds of sex! So compliment your partners more, Folx. (Yes, even if their love language is not words of affirmation).
6. Practice anal aftercare.
Rimming is vulnerable as shit! (Pun not intended).
So, immediately after going to Analingus Avenue, check in with your partner about how they are feeling.
You might also ask them if they want anything to eat or drink! A lot of people get dehydrated during sexual play.
7. Checkin afterwards.
Yes, anyone could like rimjobs. But in my experience, this sex act is more divisive than period sex or ear play. Meaning, very.
So the next day, I recommend chatting with your partner about how they feel about the experience.
- Wow, I loved getting to taste your ass the other night. How did it feel for you?
- So that was fun last night… Is that something you might be open to trying again?
- What three words would you use to describe last night? I’d use fantastic, fantastic, fantastic.
Their answer will help you learn if it’s something they’d be interested in trying again!
