You’ve already explored your butt on your own—woo!
Now it’s time to invite your partner to the party. Try butt stuff, together! This is an exciting time in your relationship, although it may also feel a little scary or intimidating.
TBH, there’s a lot of cultural baggage around butt sex. But we want you to know this: anal sex is genderless and means nothing about your sexual orientation. Enjoying butt stuff is common across the sexual and gender spectrums. Gay, bi, straight, trans, cis, vagina-owner or penis owner—there is so much pleasure possibility back there. And we want you to feel it all!
The key is to go slowwwww. Like, really, really slow. The anus is a muscle, and it needs to be stretched slowly. Together, you will stretch, open, and train the backside, using soo much lubricant. No, like even more lubricant than that.
Cake’s Tush Cush lubricant is specially-formulated for butt play. It’s cushion-y, long-lasting, and gets rave reviews from couples of all stripes. Our silicone Sex Lube stays super slippery, so it’s also a great choice for anal play. For the whole easing into it thing, Tush Pops are the perfect butt plugs to gradually open the area.
Ok, are you ready? You can do this!
The challenge:
Spend at least 5 – 8 minutes slowly opening your backside with a toy or your partners anatomy. Be sure to have the receiver control the pace and pressure. Only when comfortable (not painful!), fully allow yourself or your partner to be fully entered and continue (or pause) based on what feels best. For first-timers, anal sex with a toy or your partner may only last for a few minutes before becoming uncomfortable and that’s a-okay!
Tips:
- Again, start slowly: Open yourself physically with a finger, a tongue, or a toy. Use lots of lube. Be patient. Be gentle with both yourself and your partner. Not just with your bodies, but with your emotions, too. Doing something new like this is a challenge, so allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, without judgment.
- Anal sex requires a lot of communication: You’re going to want to do a lot of talking. Before, during and after. Keep in mind that the person who is penetrating cannot feel how it feels to the person who is receiving—so it’s absolutely key that you are both communicating throughout about how it’s feeling.
- It’s not supposed to hurt: It may feel uncomfortable, weird, or like you have to poop. But it should NOT hurt. A little bit of discomfort might be normal, but if it crosses into painful, you will want to stop.
- No numbing creams: Don’t use anything that numbs your body. This would prevent you from feeling if anything is hurting—and you need to feel that. Because if you feel pain, it’s a sign to stop. We just had to say that one more time.
- Position, position, position: The positions of both you and your partner can make a big difference. Anal sex will feel extremely different when you’re on all fours vs when you’re lying on your back in bed. To begin, we recommend that the receiver (the person being penetrated, aka “the bottom”) be on top and lower down so they can control the speed and intensity.
- Messiness is ok: Whether that’s with lube or something else, it’s ok. If you’re really avers to messes, put down a towel or a blanket and have some wipes nearby. If mess happens, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Clean it, and move on!
We hope that trying out some butt stuff was a fun experiment for you both. Whether the whole experience was kinda mind-blowing, not really your thing, or somewhere in the middle, chances are bringing the butt into your sexual repertoire shook things up in a good way. Here’s to more hot sex, however it works for you!
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Medical information reviewed by Dr. Paige Kuhlman, a leading women’s urologist and Senior Medical Advisor at Hello Cake.
