step 2: consent & communication

The "How-to" Guide for Sexual Consent

The best way, and the ONLY way, to take part in sexual experiences with another person is to practice consent. We want to be hearing the word YES, and if we do not, then pump the breaks.

What is consent?

Consent is an agreement and permission for something to happen. In relationships and sexual settings, consent should be freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific.

The confusing state of legal consent

There are two main ways we look at consent: “No means no”, as in “if someone says no that means no”. And then there is the more recent and inclusive definition of consent: “Yes means yes”. Meaning anything and everything that isn’t a “yes” is a no. Currently, California is the only state to have a “yes means yes” law on the books.

What people think asking for consent is

Weird, awkward, unsexy, kills the mood, isn’t revocable once given, a yes to one thing means yes to everything, a necessary, but uncomfortable thing you should probably, maybe get before sex.

What consent actually is

A set of sexy questions that indicate respect for yourself and your partner, a fundamental part of good, healthy sexual experiences, revocable at any time, for any reason, a thing you MUST get before each and every single sex act in order for your actions to ethical and legal.

The bottom line

Consent is only consent if it’s an excited, enthusiastic, big, fat, ‘ol YES

Enthusiastic is a huge part of this yes. Anything else, and we do mean anything else, is a no. This “yes” is not a one-time conversation. It isn’t a blanket affirmation that allows you to do anything you want, whenever you want.

keep reading